Remember today to take care of yourself. To Meet your own needs. To give yourself what you need and nurture your Self. 

You deserve to have your needs met. 

You deserve to love yourself in this way.

Being more compassionate, kind, gentle, and caring with yourself when you need it is always good. 

Being harsh with yourself, treating yourself in a tough as nails kind of way, this is not the key to lasting change, to sustainable change. 

The change I’m talking about comes from being gentle with yourself when you fall into past patterns that you thought you were done with. When you know how you want to show up in relationship, but you’re struggling to do so with grace. 

Those past patterns are still wanting to come through you, but you know that there is a new way to be in relationship. I know. This is where being gentle and tender with yourself comes into play. 

Of course, darling, you are doing the best you can. Of course it’s tricky to learn new ways of relating. Of course, it takes time, intentionality, and practice to start and continue on this path, this path that you are creating for yourself, one step at a time. 

And all of this, it’s all okay.

Because one step at a time is how most of us get to where we are going, where we want to go. The time is going to pass either way, and you have every right to create what you want with your own life.

Other people will let you know that you’re not doing it right, or that you’re supposed to be the way you already are. There’s no need to change, no need to try to act differently than you have in the past. 

But you’ve heard the call of your heart, and that’s not something that you plan on ignoring, not like you could anyway. Your commitment to doing this thing called life in the way that feels most true, most in integrity, and most in alignment for you is your choice, no one else’s. 

So when you encounter that resistance from relationships in your life, remember to take a breath, take a step back, recall what is actually going on in the situation, honor what you need even if it’s seemingly not okay with others, because in the end, you are responsible for you, and they are not. 

“I don’t want this [place in myself that felt really disrespected] to be tender anymore, but it is. Can I honor this in myself? I’m re-learning, and that’s okay. It is good for me to tend to my own responsibilities, and not give away my energy to things that aren’t mine to tend to. 

And, it’s okay if others think it’s not okay for me to do this. They can decide for themselves, but not for me. I get to decide for me.”

So it is. 

It’s okay to want to grow and change, and become a new person.
Its okay that it’s hard sometimes, to change and evolve.
Its okay that on some days, you have worries fill your head, and they just don’t quit.

You are constantly growing and changing.
You are evolving into a truer version of you, every day.
You are not your worries, they are just here to visit.

“Oh, hey, I know you.” Smile and wave. These thoughts, when you remember they aren’t you, when you remember to step outside of the story they want you to believe, you remember this is just a pattern, something you’ve practiced, and you can start practicing a new pattern, now.

You are the sky, and those worries are just some clouds, passing through. Not here to stay, just here to visit.

Speaking of you being the sky, now that you’ve stepped out of that limiting story that the cloud/worry was persuading you into believing, now that that’s not a thing anymore, don’t you feel more expansive? More like, “oh yeah, this is just a silly game?” Then you realize, “It’s okay. It’s okay worries, you’ve done your part. You can rest now. I can take it from here.”

Breathe in that calm surrender. It’s waiting for you.

Meeting your needs precisely where you are at, not meeting the needs for the you that is already where you wish to be. 

But before one can do this, one must be honest with themselves.

You cannot meet the needs you have where you are currently at, if you aren’t honest with yourself about where you are currently at. 

Are you the person you wish you were? What strengths do you have, and what are your areas for growth? 

Being honest with oneself isn’t easy, especially in this world where we must look like everything is “positive.” 

Honesty requires breaking away from what outside authorities say is okay for you, and you taking that authority back, where you are the one who says what is okay for you, and what is not okay for you. 

Self sovereignty: “…[T]he ability to choose the direction of one’s own life, and being the exclusive authority over one’s own body and mind. Other synonyms for it are personal freedom, self determination and liberty.”¹ With this comes holding yourself accountable for the harm you’ve done, and being honest with what you need to do to be in integrity with yourself. 

To love yourself honestly, to meet your actual needs, you must drop the facade. 

See yourself clearly.

It’s okay to be honest with yourself. It’s okay to accept the things you have done in the past, the things you currently still do, that may cause others harm. 

It won’t harm the actual you to accept this part of yourself. It will feel most dangerous to the ego, that part of you that feels like you must protect yourself at all costs, because you must be “good.” 

You don’t have to “be good,” because you already are good. 

You were never anything other than good.

And these ways that you cause harm to yourself or others, these are ways that you learned to adapt based on the life experiences that you went through, and your (underdeveloped, if younger than in your mid-20’s) brain did the best it could at figuring out what to do to take care of you when you were unsure of what else you should do. 

And your nervous system reacted to keep you safe, based on it’s knowledge of life from the experiences that it had up to that point in your life.

There is no shame in our bodies. There is only goodness. There is beauty. Our bodies evolve, adapt, change, grow, and are always able to learn new ways.

Acceptance of our humanity brings such beautiful freedom and joy, to be more real, more authentic, with ourselves, and with the people we most love in this world. 

In the acceptance of ourselves, the parts we like and dislike, we are able to accept the people we love, both parts we like and dislike, as well. 

Now, on to the practical application of these beautiful words.

What parts of yourself do you wish were different? Can you sit with yourself in this discomfort that you feel when you think about the parts of you that you wished were different? Can you extend compassion to those parts of you? Remembering that those parts of you came about because your body figured out a way to adapt to what was happening, in order to keep you safe, in order to survive? In order to get the love and connection you needed? 

Can you think of yourself as a young child, and extend this love and grace to them? 

Can you comfort yourself in this discomfort, saying “it’s okay little one, you did your best, and that’s all that is required of you”? 

In extending this love and compassion to yourself, you bring healing and acceptance to yourself, allowing yourself to feel safe. In this place of safety, you can learn new ways of being that support you, the you that is here now, rather than repeating the habits you learned long ago.

Remember to reach out for help if you need help in your healing journey, to a friend, family member, a therapist, wherever you can find a safe person to sit and be with you. You are worth giving yourself what you need, so that you can bring more of what you desire into your beautiful life, dear one.

1. https://futurethinkers.org/developing-self-sovereignty/#:~:text=Self%20sovereignty%20means%20the%20ability,%2C%20self%20determination%2C%20and%20liberty.

There are times and seasons, where joy and humor come easily
And other seasons, where sadness seems to reign supreme. 
There isn’t anything wrong with being in either season. 
Both are necessary for our humanity.

Both bring about the beauty of our human experience. 

What purpose does being in sadness serve, in the bigger scope, beyond ourselves? 
It gifts upon us compassion and empathy for others who experience suffering,
That we may come alongside our brothers and sisters in their moments of need,
As we hope our brothers and sisters come alongside us in our moments of need.

This is where the beauty lies: in shared community and connection.

Having Grace for others. Having Grace for self. It’s so easy to write off someone with a label… When we really know in our hearts that in casting judgment on the other we cast judgment on the self. And in casting judgment on the self, we cast judgment on the other.

I want to remember this Grace, that we all make mistakes. And to remember that mistakes are not bad, just a way to learn. Just a way to receive feedback on what works and what doesn’t work. And what works with some will not work with others, and what works in relationships with some won’t work in relationships with others. Because all people are different: all have different past experiences and different present needs.

Here is the lesson. We remain open to learning; we see how we want to be secure, to know the answer, and the funny thing is, there is no ANSWER.

There is no finality. There is not a black and white description.

Being open, soft, flowing, flexible, able to change, this is the path. 

The black and white thinking served its purpose. It’s natural in our development. 

Also in our development is moving beyond the known, into the place of the unknown. Being okay with not knowing. Being in this space of trust.

Releasing the need for control and certainty and allowing life to happen through you.

What is the truth that wishes to come out of your heart right now?

There’s no one right way to do a thing.

Well, what’s your focus? I guess it depends on what you hope to get out of it. 

Are you looking for a certain outcome, a specific detail met with precision, with pristine accuracy? 

Life is rarely that way. Is it ever? What can be planned, what can be prepared for? 

Think of the most life-changing events in your life. Could you have even imagined or planned for what they turned out to be?

Life goes it’s own way. We’re not able to predict the twists and turns, but we are able to look into our own hearts.

What do you value? What do you cherish? What do you desire? How can you bring yourself to the table called life in a way that pleases your heart? Not the way you’re “supposed” to show up, but what is your own unique way of showing up?

Shall we embrace the deep truth, ferocity, courage, radiance, and glory of our own hearts?

Joy! What Joy!
In the expansion, beyond the contraction.

What is it you would delight in finding joy in today?
What lifts up your eyes and your spirit?
What delights every cell in your body?
What brings you joyous abandon?

Feel the sweetness of your soul.
Feel the love of your heart.
Feel the joy in your cells.
Feel the dance in your feet.

Feel the delight in your body.
This is all here for you, love. 
Go ahead, you have permission to feel it now.
Give yourself permission:

Feel the beautiful essence that is You.

Your wants and your needs,
They are perfect, you see?
They are here for you,
To give you what you need.

Specifically tailored for you,
Exactly for you,
They’re here to meet you where you are
And give you what you need

Based on where you’ve been.

Maybe you don’t like them
You want what you need to be different.
You see others, and they don’t need as much as you,
Or the same things as you;
But don’t you see, dear one,
They are not you.

They have not been where you’ve been,
Have not seen what you’ve seen,
Have not felt what you’ve felt.
Their experiences are not your own.

Where you have been has brought you to where you are now.
And where you are now is just perfect for you.

These needs that support you, you don’t like them, I see.
You want to be needless, low maintenance, easy going;
You want your experience to be different than what it is.
You have your expectations already placed in your head, and I know,
It’s hard to change your idea of what you should need.

But darling, it’s okay to need what you need.

You can give yourself time, space, rest, go ahead:
Depleting yourself won’t put you ahead.

When you’ve been taught,
That things in your control
Are actually out of your control
And
That things out of your control
Are your responsibility
It’s normal to feel
Overwhelmed
Out of Control
Stuck
Hopeless
Unfulfilled.
And, yet, there is hope here still:
You have freedom in this realization;
You are free to claim your responsibilities,
And let go of all that’s not.