Being more compassionate, kind, gentle, and caring with yourself when you need it is always good.
Being harsh with yourself, treating yourself in a tough as nails kind of way, this is not the key to lasting change, to sustainable change.
The change I’m talking about comes from being gentle with yourself when you fall into past patterns that you thought you were done with. When you know how you want to show up in relationship, but you’re struggling to do so with grace.
Those past patterns are still wanting to come through you, but you know that there is a new way to be in relationship. I know. This is where being gentle and tender with yourself comes into play.
Of course, darling, you are doing the best you can. Of course it’s tricky to learn new ways of relating. Of course, it takes time, intentionality, and practice to start and continue on this path, this path that you are creating for yourself, one step at a time.
And all of this, it’s all okay.
Because one step at a time is how most of us get to where we are going, where we want to go. The time is going to pass either way, and you have every right to create what you want with your own life.
Other people will let you know that you’re not doing it right, or that you’re supposed to be the way you already are. There’s no need to change, no need to try to act differently than you have in the past.
But you’ve heard the call of your heart, and that’s not something that you plan on ignoring, not like you could anyway. Your commitment to doing this thing called life in the way that feels most true, most in integrity, and most in alignment for you is your choice, no one else’s.
So when you encounter that resistance from relationships in your life, remember to take a breath, take a step back, recall what is actually going on in the situation, honor what you need even if it’s seemingly not okay with others, because in the end, you are responsible for you, and they are not.
“I don’t want this [place in myself that felt really disrespected] to be tender anymore, but it is. Can I honor this in myself? I’m re-learning, and that’s okay. It is good for me to tend to my own responsibilities, and not give away my energy to things that aren’t mine to tend to.
And, it’s okay if others think it’s not okay for me to do this. They can decide for themselves, but not for me. I get to decide for me.”
So it is.